Feb 22, 2010

The need to vent


Just a warning...if you don't want to read about my whining, click away.

So as most of you know, I've been married for almost 15 months.
Hubs and I have been through a lot while dating and decided to start fresh after we got married.
I love him very much and he says he loves me, but the past 6 months he's acted like an asshole.
I know marriage is hard and I know you have to work really hard, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm at the end of my thread.

I supported my husband for as long as I can remember. He lost his job a couple of years before we were married and I paid all of the bills. His mom would help out when we really needed it and I'm forever thankful to her.
He did get a job when I became pregnant and helped pay the bills. We ended up moving into his mother's house later in my pregnancy because I was unable to work and his mom wanted to help out after I had the baby. She wanted us to live there so we could save money and while hubs went to school.
After I had my miscarriage, hubs quit his job and focused all on school. I began working and saving money so we could move out.

Hubs graduated in October 2009.
He still does not work.
It pisses me off!

He puts in an application and expects them to call him back if they really want him to work there.
He doesn't understand you have to sell yourself to get a job. You have to call them and ask about the status of your application. Show them you want to work there.

He tells me straight out he will not call them back because he thinks they won't hire him if he "bothers" them.
He just doesn't get it!!
He knows we need 2 incomes since my brother-in-law and his fiancé are moving in a couple of months. He knows we need the 2 incomes in order to save enough money to move into a cheaper apartment. He knows we need the 2 incomes because he wants to have a baby. He knows we need the 2 incomes in order to keep living.

I've tried talking to him. I've sat in front of him and cried because I was stressed out.
I'm working 10 hour shifts while he sits at home home and watches TV, chats on the computer, and sleeps all day.
I have to get off work and go to the store for dinner, then fight with him about who makes the dinner, take a shower and try to spend a few hours unwinding from the day.
There are days I don't get to bed until 1am.
He thinks it's my fault I don't go to bed early, but he doesn't understand I have to unwind from a 10 hour shift before I can even think about laying down.

I'm the one that does the laundry, I'm the one that cleans up after his ass, I'm the one that is struggling to pay our bills.

I've expressed to him I'm afraid I won't have enough money each month to make a rent payment on an apt once the brother-in-law leaves, plus truck payment and phone bill.
His answer: I can always move in with my mom.

Are you fucking kidding me????
If you've been a follower for awhile, you know I can't stand living at my mother-in-law's house.

He just doesn't get it. I need help in this marriage. We never spend time together anymore. He spends all of his time on the computer or goes to bed early when I'm home.
I'm off on the weekends and he doesn't spend any if it with me.
I don't know what's going on and I'm just really upset about it. I don't know what to do.
Divorce is a really easy thought, but I love him too much. I don't think I have the balls to even file for divorce.

Well that's my rant. I need to get some sleep before I go to work.
Goodnight blogarinos!

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