Jul 20, 2010

Obsessed

Last year I started watching the show Obsessed on A&E.
It's about people who have severe cases of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), anxiety disorders, and severe panic attacks.
After seeing the show, it got me thinking…thank goodness I can see other people like this because I know all about it!

I was diagnosed with OCD, high anxiety, AND panic attacks when I was 17 years old.
I still remember the episode that led to the diagnosis.

I was at home watching my younger siblings while my mother was working a 3rd shift job.
I was sitting in the living room watching TV when I got an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't shake the feeling.
I changed the channel and focused in something different, started crocheting (I was working on an afghan) and focusing on my breathing.
That's when I wasn't able to breathe. I started to freak out. I remember having a similar episode when I was younger, but I couldn't remember the outcome of it.
Seeing that I was freaking out and having a hard time breathing, my brother called my mom at work and she rushed home to take me to the ER.
After a bunch if tests, the doctors thought I had high anxiety. They asked my mom questions about my past and they figured because of the trauma, it was more likely that I was having anxiety attacks triggered by certain things.
They gave me some meds and told my mom to take me to a therapist.

A few weeks later, I started seeing a therapists.
That's when I found out that I was totally nuts. Ha!
I always thought my normal "rituals" were, well…normal.
Not so much.
I guess from a bunch if things I had to cope with when I was younger, I developed certain coping mechanisms.

• Obsessive counting. I counted and STILL count EVERYTHING!
I'll be sitting in the bathroom, I'll count the tiles on the floor.
I count the stairs as I go up and down them every day. Even the ones I climb everyday.
I count how many steps it takes me to get to the truck from the front door (27 steps).

• Numbers are my thing! I love even numbers. Odd numbers…I can do without. Unless of course its the number 25 or 15 because 25 goes into 100 4 times (even number) and 15 goes into 60 4 times (even number).

I know I'm weird.
But there's more!

• When vacuuming, there can't be any lines in the carpet left from the vacuum. It's hard to do! I'm able to do it though.
Aaron just laughs at me. I laugh at myself too.

• Repetition. I do certain things in 5 sets of 5. Which turns out to be 25 times, but that's a safe odd number because it goes into 100 4 times…which is an even number.
Told you I'm weird.
But I only check locks (all locks) and alarm clocks in 5 sets of 5. It makes me feel safe.

I've tried to change it.
To tell you the truth I used to be a lot worse.
Years of therapy have made it better.
I think I'll probably have these quirks the rest of my life.
I'm just glad I can still function in the real world!

Do you have any weird quirks you catch yourself doing?

1 comments:

InDueTime said...

I wish I was OCD. Maybe my house would be cleaner. LOL

I don't have any quirks but NYEBoy does. It drives me crazy to be honest. lol

I love lines on the carpet..it screams I WAS JUST CLEANED. LOL

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