Oct 28, 2010

30 Days of [Truth] Day Three

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I really hate this prompt.
I've lived with this guilt for a really long time.
It all happened on October 13, 2008.
It was the day that I miscarried my daughter, Katelynn Rose-Michelle Brown.

I was almost 6 months pregnant and I was happy as a clam.
Hubs and I were awaiting her arrival since the day I found out!
We picked out the crib, clothes, the name, colors.
My mother-in-law was so happy because it was going to be her first grandchild.

During my pregnancy, I was pretty active.
I was helping my mother-in-law paint her spare room and doing small home repairs.
I knew my limits.
I knew what I could and could not do.
I blame myself because when it all happened, I thought maybe it was my fault because I was TOO active for a pregnant person.
Maybe I shouldn't have climbed that step stool and put in that screw, maybe I shouldn't have bent over and cleaned my kitchen, maybe, maybe, maybe.

When I found out that my placenta had failed and that's what caused the miscarriage, I blamed myself because I thought being too active caused it to fail.
I need to learn to forgive myself and move on.

How does someone do that though?


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