Oct 13, 2010

Two years since I lost her

Two year ago today, I lost my beloved baby girl.

April 1, 2008, I found out that I was pregnant. Hubs (he was just a boyfriend then) and I were so excited.
We told everyone right away and began preparing for her arrival.
We named her Katelynn Rose-Michelle and she was the best thing that happened to us.

The pregnancy was pretty normal for the first couple of months.
I had the morning sickness, the sore back, the little flutters when she kicked.

Week 20 rolled around I went for an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech told us we were having a girl! We were so excited because we have a ton of boys on both sides of our family.
We rushed home and told everyone that we were having a girl and everyone was so excited.
After my doctor called me a week after my appointment and told me she'd like to see me in her office.
The next day Hubs and I went to the doctor and she explained to me that my placenta was very thin and that it could be dangerous.
She put me on some medication and sent me home. She told me that I was to take it easy and not do anything. Pretty much stay in bed.

Hubs and I were worried, so he wouldn't allow me to do anything.

By the time I was 26 weeks, I was having some cramping and small spotting when I would use the restroom.
One night during the weekend, I was cramping pretty bad.
I called my doctor and she told me to come in on Monday and she would do another ultrasound and see if everything was alright.

It was the longest weekend of my life. The cramping ended up stopping after a hour of me calling the doctor, but I still went to the appointment.

Monday morning I woke up early and got dressed. The cramping had started up again and I noticed that I was bleeding very heavily.
I started freaking out and rushed to my doctor's office.
When I get to the doctor's office, I got in right away and was laying down on the table when the doctor came in and started the examination.

She turned on the ultrasound machine and put it to my belly. I began to panic when I couldn't hear a heartbeat.
I looked at my doctor's face and then I looked again at the screen and I knew something was definitely wrong.

My doctor then looked at me and told me that she was sorry, but my placenta had ruptured during the weekend and my baby no longer had a heartbeat.

I broke down and don't remember much after that.
Next thing I knew, I was waking up and being asked who they should call to come pick me up.
Everything was really foggy still and told them to call my Hubs' mom.

15 minutes later, my Hubs' mom was at the hospital where my doctor's office was at and was asking questions.

I had lost my baby at 26 weeks.
Apparently she hadn't grown and was very small.
They rushed me to surgury and removed her from me.

I was no longer pregnant.

No more baby.

Dreams crushed.

Devastated because Hubs didn't know yet.

I was then taken home after getting dressed and signing some discharge papers and went straight to bed, dreading for when Hubs got home.
I cried and cried.
I was angry at how they managed everything and I couldn't do anything about it because it was too late.
Hubs got home and asked me how the doctor appointment went and asked why I was crying.
I told him.
We sat there and cried together while holding each other.
My Hubs' father came down and cried with us.
It was a horrible day and I'll never forget it.

Still two years later, I miss Katelynn terribly.
I still think about her every day and wonder what she would be like or like if I had her here with me.

So here's to remembering her.
Mommy and Daddy miss you terribly Katelynn.


Lin said...


Marla said...

What an absolutely heartbreaking story. Thank you for having the courage to write this and share this with us. Ditto *hugs*

Erin said...

It's heartbreaking! You poor thing! I lost one at 16 1/2 weeks, and I still remember that date!
Sending lots of love your way!

Lisa said...

I am so sorry!

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